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11.60 Animal rights vs. rights of all living creatures
Harry Potbelly Lord of the Onion Rings as Director of the Human Race and Manager Planet Earth commands and Andronicos "The Cynic" responds as follows.........
The human race has jurisdiction over all animals. With this privilege comes responsibility. If someone is a vegetarian - be tolerant of their wishes. It works both ways. Animal rights activists have done very well in bringing to the attention of the masses some pretty nasty things done to animals in the name of science. Without their help, many of the safeguards and legislation would not be in force today. Nevertheless, I do not condone violent acts by these people and furthermore forbid it. The question of animal experiments is highly controversial. Here are my directives on animal experiments: (1) Human beings' health is the priority, but licensed pain inflicting experiments should only be carried out when there is no alternative. (2) Animal rights activists must be represented on licensing panels. (3) Animals that will be subjected to experimentation should be given a quality of life beyond that of a normal "spoilt pet" for as long as possible and whenever possible before experimentation is started. This is the animal equivalent of "you can do everything that makes you happy as a human, live in a palace, food, sex, etc, etc… but at 50 you will be put to death in uncomfortable circumstances for the benefit of all your family." (4) In certain situations, use criminal volunteers as an alternative, as long as the experimentation is non-life threatening. (5) I forbid animal experiments for cosmetic product testing. (6) Animals bred for organ transplants could one day end the need for human donors. (7) I direct that 12 eminent people, cautious, incorruptible, experts in their field, highly respectable and paragons of ethical virtue be appointed trustees of issuing global guidelines on these matters. Deliberation must take place in public. Let them act as advisors, binding arbitrators on some matters and the conscience between Sovereign tribes. I commend organisations such as the RSPCA and Humane Society of America for their role in protecting animals, preventing cruelty and prosecuting offenders. I direct everyone supports such organisations.
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